How to create a modern sculpture from papier-mâché

This, I repeat, is not a tutorial on how to make a Giant Egg from papier-mâché. For that, go to someone that knows what they are doing. This is a modern vase-esque sculpture that just says 'I'm not conforming to social expectations'.

Materials
1x balloon
PVA glue
Water
Newspaper, torn into squares
String

To achieve the look

1. Blow up balloon a few days before applying first layer. This is crucial.
2. Mix PVA with water. Doesn't matter what ratio. Just go for it.
3. Dip newspaper into PVA mixture and then apply to balloon exterior.
4. Tie string to end of balloon and allow first layer to dry.
5. Add another layer. While you're at it, add another one while it's still wet. It doesn't matter.
6. Hang up to dry in a place that is susceptible to damp. Outside is best for this. Leave overnight.
   
7. The balloon should deflate and the paper should warp.
8. Burst balloon

Then you should have something that looks like this.

So, now I have to make an actual egg for Church on Sunday. And it has to be dry. Thankfully, Friday is a bank holiday. Why do I always agree to things that turn out to be the biggest pain to achieve?

Quick Questions

1. Why me? Why me?
2. What is the perfect PVA to water ratio?
3. What did you think would be a simple job and wasn't?
4. Are you looking forward to Easter Sunday? Why?