Plots and plans

A while back I wrote about how I needed to let God say no. If you haven't read it, take a moment to as it will inform you about the crazy that goes on in my head and gives a context for this post. It turns out God said no. Twice. Well, sort of three times. Then he said yes. It's pretty confusing, so let me explain.

I applied for places in both a PGCE and medicine (both the normal course, BM5 and the graduate entry course, BM4). I got interviewed for the PGCE, and although I thought it went well there was only one place left. I logged onto the GTTR track website and was confronted by the word, "Unsuccessful". I was pretty gutted as I was using the PGCE as a safety net and that was ripped away from me. Then I had to wait to find out about the medical degree.

One day, whilst at Totton College, I suddenly thought, "This is the day that I will find out one way or another." I don't know what made me think that, but I rushed to check UCAS track, logged in and looked at the status of the BM5 application. Unsuccessful. I scrolled down for the BM4 course. Unsuccessful. My heart sank. I felt like that word was branded on my forehead.

Now, Totton College is not the best place to receive bad news. Especially when the conversation that is going on behind you is about the contributing factors to the high suicide rate of 18-25 males: "They just feel like they have no purpose and no where to go..." Yes, it was a bleak moment. And I was angry. Apparently, God had a plan for my life. And this was it? I was confused. I had tried to trust in God, but for what? It wasn't helped by people asking what my plan C was. I has no idea. I didn't want to come up with a plan only for it to be unsuccessful once again.

Less than four hours later, however, it all changed. I was waiting at the train station when my phone rang. I answered it and I the person said, "Hello, this is [insert generic female name here]. I'm not sure if you remember, but I interviewed you for a place at our PGCE in February. More places have opened up and I'd like to ask you back for another interview."

Couple of weeks later I went to the interview. It went well. I was offered a place.

Proverbs 16:9 tells us:

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

I had tried very hard to plan my course and to determine my steps. I had plotted and planned, but, without God, it's futile. I am still thinking about my future. I am thinking of possibilities but I'm going to hold on to them lightly and let the Lord guide my feet. (If you want a hint of what my ideas are click here and then here.)

I need to remember: I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.